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Friday, February 25, 2005
If You Want To Last In This Business, You've Got To Stay Fresh
[insert slide-whistle sound here]
Even though whatever little bit of energy left over after preparations for the imminent arrival of our first child here at Planet Simpson HQ has turned to thoughts of the next book, the Planet Simpson media juggernaut rolls on.
Recent developments:
1) The segment I taped for CBC's Zed TV in Vancouver in early December finally ran two weeks ago. I was interviewed sitting on a couch against a blue screen with the idea of placing me in the Simpson living room afterward, but instead they decided to animate the segment place me and my interrogator (Zed's John Paolozzi) on stools at Moe's Tavern.
That's right: I'm a Simpsons character at last! I was delighted to be turned into a cartoon character, though Ash is still griping about how Comic Book Guy-like they rendered me. You can watch the segment online here; stay with it even if the sound sucks (it did on my laptop), and keep a close eye on the guy passed out on the bar next to me when I mention Noam Chomsky.
2) On Tuesday, I was on CBC Radio's The Current as part of a panel discussing the upcoming final installment of Star Wars and the broader notion of how pop-culture institutions inspire such religious devotion in their hardcore fans. [Hi Idella! Hiiii!]
There's a summary of the show online, but for some reason (likely copyright-related) the broadcast itself is not available.
3) Tonight at 11:00 Calgary time, I'm a guest on The Nick D. & Gerry Lee Extravaganza, a talk show on Chicago's WGN Radio. Looks like WGN streams its broadcast live if anyone wants to hear me blather Simpsonianly this evening.
Posted by Turner at 06:16 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (454) | Comments (2)
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
The Man In The Basement
Turner's basement office is finally getting sorted out; twice the size of his original office (out of which he was unceremoniously tossed of late in order to make way for the creation of the baby's nursery), it's really a move up in the world. I think T has a sort of through-the-looking-glass version of the Mordecai Richler's attic office mythology love going on with the whole idea of having an office seperated from the rest of the house - "Don't go down there... Dad's working... sshhhhh!" Which works for everyone, I guess. I can still stomp on the floor in my study if I ever need his urgent attention.
Posted by Ashley at 11:46 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (304) | Comments (0)
Sunday, February 20, 2005
The Number-One Best Happy Story Of Lantau Ferryboy
Once upon a time, there was a young man named Lantau Ferryboy who lived a happy life upon the water in the busy harbour of Hidden Pirate Island (a.k.a. Hong Kong).
Though from a certain magic perspective he was such a giant boy that even the powerful ferry he drove across the harbour was a mere rowboat beneath his mighty cowlicked head . . .
. . . nevertheless, life was hard for Lantau Ferryboy, because as you can see his ferry was constantly encircled by the spirits of his ancestors and the phantom trails of all who had died upon the sea.
Though he clutched his white cross in his hand as much as possible, still the spirits surrounded him, uttering threats and wishes of bad luck, because they were not Christian.
One day, in the hope of placating the ghosts, Lantau Ferryboy seized upon a plan! He would encourage passengers on his ferry to bring their elders. Surely the spirits that vexed him so would notice these frail and weak people and whisk them away to the Land of Wind and Ghosts, and he would be free! He waited at the dock, and at the first sign of an old woman, he made his appeal . . .
Success! The spirits seized upon the old woman with their fangs and claws and took her away to the dark place, where she was torn into a thousand million tiny pieces to feed the many hungry spirits (not pictured).
Soon, however, the spirits returned, hungry as ever, and Lantau Ferryboy realized he would need more than one scheme if he was to save himself from disgrace and the wrath of his shamed ancestors. This was no place for loafers.
Soon, Lantau Ferryboy hatched another ruse of awesome power. He would tell lonely young men that a special bench near the railing was the best place to meet available women of honour and duty. He had no difficulty luring young men to the spot . . .
. . . and the spirits and phantoms were so excited by the taste of such young blood that they whirled together into a great pillar of ancestral joy and exploded across the sky, dancing like the flaming breath of great dragons in an exuberant constellation of many colours (not pictured).
But oh! How Lantau Ferryboy's scheme backfired! For the spirits now demanded only young men to feed their righteous prehistoric appetites. What else could Lantau Ferryboy do? Can't you see that he was serious? What a brave corporate logo he was, even in the face of such threats and phantasmic rages, forcing young men over the rail to meet their fate in the ancient befanged maws of the spirits!
For a time, there was harmony on the ferry, as Lantau Ferryboy kept the spirits sated with a daily feast of virile young men. But then our seafaring hero grew complacent, and he did not keep close watch over his passengers. Terrible things were thrown to the five winds, as if the spirits could be so easily placated!
Oh, the shame and horror Lantau Ferryboy felt that day as he strolled up to the rail to see awful carbonated drinks and shoddily prepared meat buns from the Faraway Land Where The Cheap Export Goods Are Sent being tossed to his ancestor spirits! Truly, he saw his fate foretold in the great torrents of wrathful vomit with which his forefathers filled the sky that day! (Not pictured.)
It was not long before Lantau Ferryboy tasted their vengeance . . .
Lantau Ferryboy was filled with the drunken abandon of his ancestors' shame! He overflowed with a disgrace so odious that it caused him to sprout a second set of eyes to stare all the harder at his failure, and to sprout a second and then a third set of arms to wave about to draw attention to his dishonour! Surely he was soon to be transported to the Cave of Eternal Misfortune on the Distant Archipelago of Golf and Hideous Casualwear (a.k.a. Hawaii), where he would suffer a fate worse than death! Surely!
Ah, but what luck! The ghosts smiled mercifully upon Lantau Ferryboy! Can you believe it? Who are you to resist? Angry as they were, the spirits did not destroy Lantau Ferryboy. They realized that their many offerings were suffering from a failure of the Gods of Quality Control.
So in the final moments before Lantau Ferryboy was to be whisked to his fate, the ghosts magically moved his ship to a safe port, and Lantau Ferryboy fell gently to the dock. Fate smiled, and luck grinned, and destiny nodded in a wry and knowing manner, and Lantau Ferryboy found himself with a new job!
This was his destiny: to clean up those unworthy offerings that the spirits justly rejected. And though Lantau Ferryboy was no longer joyous, he had not suffered in vain, for his tale of misfortune lives on, posted all around the harbour as a warning to other boys!
An example to all! Even after so disrespecting the gods. What happiness there is in this life!
Posted by Turner at 02:15 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (245) | Comments (0)
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Out On The Weekend
It's come to my attention, by way of checking my own damn website for the first time in a week, that the splash page was popping up blank. So I thought I'd fill it.
Any day now, I'll regale whoever's still visiting this site with a lovely story of a Hong Kong cartoon character who works on a ferry, plus my own list of the "Ten Things I Learned On My Book Tour." In the meantime, there are five things I'd like to say:
1) I just got back from a one-night stand at the University of Wisconsin at Green Bay, where I gave an hour-long lecture about the wonder and beauty of The Simpsons. My hotel was out near the highway on the edge of town, so I can't say much about Green Bay except that even if you only see the airport, an interstate motel, and an isolated University campus, it's still abundantly clear that they really, really love their football team.
2) I came across this quote on my pal Joey De Villa's blog (posted there by one of his far-greater-than-mine number of readers), and think it's quite beautiful:
"To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
3) The real action here in Turnerville is over at my wife's blog, where the harrowing tale of my getting a chunk of my lip bit off by our beloved English Setter, Pony, and our subsequent euthanizing of poor Pony, has become the talk of the online Setter-breeding community.
4) I recently received a mix CD from my pal and fellow writer Chris Koentges, and on that mix CD is a cover/medley by Giant Sand that blends Marty Robbins' "El Paso" with "Out on the Weekend," and although the CD is uniformly great, it's this Giant Sand tune that's currently, thorougly kicking my ass, hence the title of this post.
5) If there are people checking in here with any regularity, please do leave a quick word in the comments section. I'd hate to think I'm blathering to an empty room, so to speak.
Posted by Turner at 09:33 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (434) | Comments (6)
