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January Magazine « October 2004 | Main | December 2004 » Saturday, November 27, 2004 January Magazine Thanks to Brother John for this link: Posted by Ashley at 06:40 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (499) | Comments (0) Friday, November 26, 2004 Why Did They Have To Ruin A Perfectly Serviceable Book-Tour Story With All That Fruity Vacationing? It occurs to me that some - perhaps both - of the regular visitors to this site who don't know its proprietors personally might be wondering what the deal is with this blog. For example, if you've landed here via one of the growing number of links to the Radiohead copyright story that have sprung up elsewhere on the ole interweb, you might be confused as to what mangosteen purchases and the birthdays of charming three-year-olds have to do with Planet Simpson. The answer is not much, except that we're spending tail end of this exhausting world tour chillin' with friends in Malaysia, and so that's what we're posting about. Still, I thought I'd take a second to acknowlege the Radiohead hubbub. (For examples of said hubbub, see here or here or here or here.) Just to further clarify and/or address queries mentioned in the discussions at some of these other blogs, I should point out that I never made an attempt to contact Radiohead personally regarding this matter mainly because I had no direct contact info for the band. (To this day, I kick myself for not getting Jonny Greenwood's email address when I had the chance!) When the Shift essay that spawned Planet Simpson was first published, I did my best to get in touch with the band to send them copies of the magazine, but all I could find in the end was a general mailing address for their management company, to which I sent a handful of copies and a friendly personal note. I received no reply from anyone. So when it came time to tie up reprint rights for the book, it fell to my agent David Lavin and his staff to do the legwork. My understanding is that they were directed by Radiohead's management to Warner Bros. Publishing, who then sent a routine contract which we dutifully signed, and which I then paid. None of my publishers was keen to publish the lyrics without permission - indeed I changed a handful of quotes from Nirvana songs to paraphrases because there was no way of securing rights from the legal maelstrom swirling around the band's legacy. So I sucked it up and coughed up the cash. So it goes. Also, for the record, I harbour no ill will whatsoever toward Radiohead itself. I can only imagine the volume of requests they must get for their time, attention, seal of approval, life's blood, etc., and I completely understand why there's a sort of legal and social fence around them that's a bit tricky to get over. My point, in writing and posting my tales of copyright woe, was mainly to bring attention to the inanities of copyright law and the manner in which large corporations prop it up against the interests of the people they claim to be protecting. Please stay tuned to this channel for further tales of book-tourin', song-lyric-reprint-rights-overpayin', and mangosteen-gorging as they emerge. Posted by Turner at 10:49 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (512) | Comments (0) Le Birthday De Ji Hong A schnazzy Malaysia breakfast for the birthday boy: The marvels of twenty-first century transcontinental birthdays: duh duh-duh DAH! Webcam! Malaysia and Canada online! Top - Randy, Margie and Em join us live from Toronto over the internet; Bottom - Turner, Ji and Thab online here in KL Suddenly, a knock at the door... and in came Delivery Lady! Bearing balloons! And KFC! And cake! And PRESENTS! A lovely birthday surprise from Grandma Margie and Grampa Randy and Auntie Em and Uncle Jake! Initially, things were a bit confusing - the robot: what did it do? And suddenly, the machine came to life, and sang... Jingle Bells! (All hell broke loose from there.)
Once we were all full of fried chicken and cake, what better activity than swimming? "To the pool!" The pregnant lady and the birthday boy do a bit of sunbathing: Posted by Ashley at 09:00 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (461) | Comments (1) Thursday, November 25, 2004 Mawful O' Mangosteens In preparation for our arrival in Malaysia, Thab wrote to enquire about our needs and necessities about a week ago... Hey youse two, Hope all's well. I've been following your progress online And also starting to wonder what I oughta stock the fridge with, The weather is unbelieveably gorgeous today. Bright and sunny, Take care, And Turner replied: Thab -- After the gruelling (but fun) schedule we've been on the last I wouldn't worry too terribly much about fridge-stocking either, About the only thing I need (other than a trough to keep my extra So then - see you soon. Very much looking forward to it. -- Turner Well, we'd been in KL six hours before Turner managed to get his hands on some mangosteens. And he's eaten about a cruise ship's worth since, with no end in sight. First night's mangosteen purchase (2 kg): [Turner snuck off on his own on the Second Day to purchase more mangosteens in private. Photo unavailable. (3kg)] Third night's mangosteen purchase (3kg): And as a special treat, Thab taught Turner the esoterica of proper mangosteen presentation: I have a feeling T may have a adoring rant to share on the subject of these ambrosial fruits indigenous to Malaysia, so I'll let him tell you what they're all about. For now, however, the book publicity is done until we return to Canada (November 30th), and Turner has shifted his focus to epicurian matters... and he's a man obsessed. Posted by Ashley at 11:11 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (432) | Comments (0) Backposts In Progress The Australian backposts are finished - only a few left for Hong Kong (including Turner's "Adventures of The Kowloon Ferry-Riding Boy"). Look backward to 19 November and onward to see the rest of our Australia adventures... Posted by Ashley at 09:03 AM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (314) | Comments (0) En Vacance in Malaysia With a few good nights' sleep under our belts, it occurred to us this morning: Hey... waitaminnut! We're on vacation! A bit puffy from travel and not enough exercise of late, we're nonetheless thrilled to be in KL with friends. A well-earned break before heading back into the publicity maelstrom upon our return to Canada (November 30th). Hip hip!
Posted by Ashley at 08:23 AM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (422) | Comments (0) Wednesday, November 24, 2004 Southeast Asian Publicity Well, I'd post the many truly amazing photos of the day's publicity, except that six of the interviews were phoners. And by this point we all know what Turner looks like, so we'll skip the rolls and rolls of captivating footage of T on the telephone with the various Malaysian and Singaporean publications and radio stations (among them "Singapore Women's Weekly"!). But at the end of the day, Turner did venture out-of-doors for his final interview of the Asia-Pacific tour, this one with the New Straits Times:
Posted by Ashley at 07:08 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (382) | Comments (0) Tuesday, November 23, 2004 Phatty McFat Crab Our first evening in Kuala Lumpur... and it's off to Fatty Crab posthaste!
Phet eyeballs the menu as a true Fatty Crab connaisseur. Only halfway through the Fatty Crab Feeding Frenzy; T has the glazed look of a true believer... C'est what, y'all? Posted by Ashley at 11:48 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (234) | Comments (0) Monday, November 22, 2004 Hong Kong Publicity Monday We awoke to find Turner splashed all over the South China Morning Post! Download file First up today was an early morning school visit to the American International School of Hong Kong, high in the hills above town. For first thing in the morning, this pack of teenagers did surprisingly well as an audience.
Poolside interview with Steve James of RTHK, Hong Kong's main English-language radio station: Later on T had an interview with Justin Mitchell of the Hong Kong Standard Review at the venerable Fringe Club. No longer a smoker himself, Turner has a bit of a time in this case finding other occupations for his mouth: In preparation for Turner's arrival at tonight's event: Turner gives the evening crowd of expats at Backroom his take on this little-known media phenomenon, "The Simpsons"
Cross-eye'd-ly tired, we had to decline a really lovely invitation from a few of the reading's guests to join them at their flat for drinks. (To the folks who invited us, if you're reading this: THANK YOU! We were just TOO BAGGED to be good guests. We're SO SORRY. Next time!) Instead, we mumbled our embarrassed apologies and stumbled off to a marvellous Peking-style restaurant (recommended by uber-publicist Soo Jung of Paddyfield Books) for a late dinner before tumbling into bed. Posted by Ashley at 10:58 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (322) | Comments (0) The Real Purpose Of Clubs... Revealed Bar sign, Hong Kong Island:
Posted by Ashley at 10:07 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (280) | Comments (0) Hong Kong Vertigo Yeah... this'll do.
Posted by Ashley at 06:13 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (279) | Comments (3) Sunday, November 21, 2004 Where Ya Gowing, When Ya Gowing Over the course of our time in Australia, people kept asking us, "Howya gowing?" - Like, ten or twenty times a day, often when we'd just have met people for the first time. It was one of those baffling we seem to be seperated by our common language aspects of our Australia tour. It was perhaps, we thought, a query about our mode of transport, as in, Q: "How are you going?" A: "By foot/bus/taxi, etc." But we weren't sure, so mostly we just nodded and smiled, and that seemed to do the trick. Aha, but then we saw this:
Quite a large, prominent building in Sydney, this. Clearly people wanted to know if we'd made the all-important pilgrimage to this place, "Gowings", which must be a holy site of sorts or a kind of touristic rite of passage. We were terribly disappointed that we weren't able to make it here during our Sydney stay (the photo itself was snapped from a speeding cab en route to an interview) - the schedule just wouldn't allow it. 'Drat, drat, drat it all!' we exclaimed at top volume. There's always next time, we suppose. But at least we finally knew what people were talking about. Gowings. Howya Gowings? Posted by Ashley at 09:12 AM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (275) | Comments (0) Saturday, November 20, 2004 The Scaaaarrry Sydney Aquarium Now, anyone who knows me is well aware of my rather pronounced phobia of - but fascination with - sharks, whales, and things underwater. And anyone who knows Turner is familiar with his love of animals and wildlife en generale. So really, what better place to head on our last day in Australia than the Sydney Aquarium, known as one of the largest & most extensive exhibits of its kind in the world.
There were about sixty zillion types of fish and frogs and snails, touch-the-anenomes exhibits, displays about the damage plastic bags do to the ocean ecosystem, a platapus community, penguins, and a giant crocodile looking none-too-pleased as all us "food" walked by, banging on the glass of his enclosure. We even got to see that cuttlefish (an item on every Chinese restaurant menu around the world) looks like something out of the Mos Isley bar on Tantooine. But all these neato offerings aside, this was one of the coolest things on display:
About ten centimetres long, this is a "sea dragon". SO COOL. Obviously it's some kind of relative of the seahorse, but it moved through the water by means of these feathery propellors embedded in its neck, which you can't see in this photograph because they were nearly see-through and were propelling away at the time and the shutter speed couldn't catch them. Plus, it's a bit of a challenge at the best of times to take photos through glass, so just trust me on the fact that this thing was SO COOL. Also in the deeply awesome category was the seal tank:
See Turner there in the bottom left the photos, watching? Of course, they make a rather large deal out of the fact that there's real live sharks in the shark tank at the Sydney Aquarium. A few years ago Cousin Jenna and I toured Underwater World at Singapore's Sentosa Island, and they've got a kind of walk-through-the-acrylic-tunnel dealie that's really hyped before you get there but in the end no big whup. It's all crowded, the tank above and around you isn't that large and the sharks themselves are pretty low-key, small reef and nurse sharks. Jenna and I snorkelled with bigger ones in Malaysia off the Perhentians, and so we'd been there, done that. I kind of expected the Sydney Aquarium to be on par with the Singapore situation. Well...
Yeah. It was a bit more hard-core than Sentosa Island. Turner'll tell you that he has a number of bruises on his arms from being clutched-at. For my part, I'll admit that I had to take a short nap in the "Great Barrier Reef" exhibit after we left the Shark Tank area. I was done. Posted by Ashley at 09:24 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (275) | Comments (0) Monorail, Monorail, Mono - D'oh! Ogdenville, North Haverbrook, Brockway . . . and Sydney. That's right, folks - Sydney, Australia, has many charms, but one of its greatest is its genuine, bona fide, electrified, six-car monorail.
Could we, as visitors to Sydney and friends of Lyle Lanley, resist the opportunity to take a spin around downtown Sydney in this miracle of modern technology?
Nope. Alas, our travelling companion was a fair-haired and talkative Aussie infant instead of Leonard "The Cosmic Ballet Goes On" Nimoy. And Sydney's sadly lacking in popsicle-stick skyscrapers and elevators to nowhere. Still: Monorail! Posted by Turner at 08:28 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (198) | Comments (0) Boomerangs Suck As far as tourist-oriented souvenir junk goes, Australia has chosen its battlegrounds: koala-themed things, and boomerangs. Stand back, world - the home-grown machine that governs what gets sold in Australia's tourist shops has decided that if you can slap a koala on it, they'll sell it. Magnets, notebooks, wallets, shirts, gumballs, ice cream wrappers, you name it, they'll give it to you koalaized. The thing about the boomerang market, though, is that nobody really seriously wants a boomerang. A case could be made for koala junk, mainly because so many people have no taste. Remember the wisdom of When Harry Met Sally: "Everybody thinks they have great taste and a sense of humour", but obviously not everyone has a good sense of humour. So when someone picks up the googly-eyed-koala-topped-pencil in the tourist shop, I can imagine a proportion of the population thinking, "Geeeee, this's swell!" There's no accounting for those people and their taste, though Hong Kong and now China are making a mint on producing cheap plastic goods for their consumer enjoyment. So in my books, I can forgive the koala-themed piles of garbage on sale in tourist shops around Australia, based purely on predatory economic grounds. It's the boomerangs. C'mon. Now, if you're a collector of indigenous weapons, okay, sure. Or if your name starts with a "V", like Valerie or Victor, I can see getting one and hanging it upside down on the wall. But for the average person, a boomerang is a totally useless item. And people often buy them for children. I'm certain we all remember, as kids, how compelling was the idea of a stick that came back to you after you threw it. Kids like throwing things, they like sticks - but not so good on the fetching aspect of life, are those of young years. But every one of us probably had a boomerang for a brief period as a kid, right? Someone gives you a boomerang, and the idea is explained: It comes back after you throw it! Wow. Sounds great. Sounds magic! Kids like magic. So after one disasterous practice throw in the livingroom ("Of course it didn't come back - the wall was in the way..."), we were all shuffled outside to fling the thing around to our hearts' content in the back yard. And that's where the dream died. One, two, maybe three throws later, it was abundantly clear that the boomerang simply doesn't come back. It. Doesn't. Come. Back. The end. 'Those lying, pants-on-fire parents', we think to ourselves. Now, I'm sure Aborigines in the outback are killer with the boomerang, but suburban kids in Winnipeg and all across Canada/the western world - well, we blow. No training, no kangaroos to throw the boomerang at, and certainly no degree of magnetism to help the task along. Even at seven or eight years of age, we know with uncharacteristic certainty that the boomerang and its whole supposed coming-back-to-you reputation sucks. No need to delve into further analysis. The kid decree comes down: NEXT! So given all this, it was lovely and refreshing to see the honesty inherent in this display:
Almost enough so to compell us to buy a boomerang. Almost. Posted by Ashley at 08:18 AM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (337) | Comments (0) Friday, November 19, 2004 Photo Embiggening Project It's been brought to our attention recently by one Mr. G. Sean P. Monkman of Montreal that our photos are TOOOOO SMAAAALLLL. As such, we're in the process of converting them to smaller file sizes but bigger appearances. Stay tuned for the embiggening of the site's photographic images... (done in reverse chronological order) Posted by Ashley at 11:26 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (159) | Comments (0) The Last Of The Australia Publicity First up today, Turner's all-star appearance on JJJ Radio with Adam Spencer and Will Anderson. Turner was brought in to play "Are You Smarter Than Dools", the chump being Scott "Dools" Dooley, an intern with the show, and lovely all-around guy.
The quiz consisted of a timed set of skill-testing questions, all pertaining (on this day) to The Simpsons. While it may initially have seemed that Turner was simply going to kick Dools' ass up and down the hallowed ABC halls, it turned out to be a nailbiter photofinish, with T just barely taking the win in the final seconds.
Mid-day, T had his disaster-prone interview with Ralph, an Australian lad mag. His story of destroying their office will be posted next up. And then it was back to the hotel for a half-dozen phone interviews, which Turner did from a reclining position - what a pro. And that, my friends, marks the end of our Australia publicity! Tomorrow we have the day off to tour around Sydney and see the sights. Posted by Ashley at 06:20 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (230) | Comments (0) Duff Beer For Me, Duff Beer For You.. I have some shocking news. I must report, from first-hand experience, that despite what you might think, it's actually very humiliating to spill beer all over the offices of a "lad mag". Let me explain. First: by "lad mag", I mean those magazines with titles like Maxim and Loaded and Gear and Stuff that invariably have pictures of twenty-year-old C-List celebrity babes in lingerie on their covers and "sell lines" that tout the mag's contents roughly thusly: "Beer /Tunes /Chicks /Cars /Gadgets /Tits /This Is A Magazine For Guys Who Get Laid /A Lot /By Which We Mean /If /One Time /Behind The School Gym /You Touched Some Boobies /This Is Your Magazine, /You Superstud".
Owners of the Canadian edition of my book can turn to page 245 to see a reproduction of the cover of the April 2004 cover of the North American version of Maxim, the ne plus ultra of lad mags, which cover features a drawing of a sexed-up Marge Simpson suggestively cleaning her kitchen floor. Par example. Now, in my case, the lad mag in question today was an Australian one called Ralph - seriously - that has its offices here in downtown Sydney and is merely the flagship of a publishing empire that, judging by the many periodicals scattered about the office, includes several magazines devoted mainly to publishing fake, photoshopped nude pics of D-list celebrities.
I'd agreed to this interview even though my Aussie publicist, Peta, warned me that I'd be answering questions along the lines of Doooode: which character on The Simpsons is the hottest? Etcetera. Duly warned, I nonetheless wanted to see what it was like to be interviewed by a magazine of this sort, so I soldiered on. And what do you know, I was indeed asked which Simpsons character I thought was the hottest, and I'll tell you now what I told the many curious readers of Ralph magazine: the hottest Simpsons character is Milhouse when he dresses in Marge's clothes and jumps up and down on Marge and Homer's bed to the strains of "Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves". And the second hottest Simpsons character - and this is a PlanetSimpson.com exclusive, this bit of information - the second hottest Simpsons character is... Pops Freshenmeyer. Oh, that moustache. But I digress. As it turned out, my interviewer at Ralph (seriously, that's the title) was a pleasant and not-particularly-laddish chap named Nigel, who was a little sheepish about having to shape his reportage to suit sixteen-year-olds with hard-ons, and had, actually, initially tried to get Australia's top newsmagazine, The Bulletin, to publish the interview instead. To no avail, alas.
So we mostly kept it laddish, though occasionally we'd veer into fairly serious sociopolitical talk. And then I'd finish my answer and Nigel would quickly point out that, interesting as my reply may have been, it'd never make it onto the pages of Ralph as long as Hollywood's Jessica Alba Cloning Project remained up and running - which is to say never - and then we'd proceed with talk of how sweet the rack on that chick who accompanies Duffman wherever he goes, is. I'm kidding, actually - it was a reasonably intelligent interview the whole way through, and it should thus be noted that the folks who do interviews for lad mags like Ralph ask questions no more or less astute and probing than the folks who do the same job at Maclean's (supposedly Canada's national newsmagazine), and furthermore that our boy Nigel would have to basically rewrite the entire conversation in pig Latin in order to take greater liberties with my actual replies than Maclean's did with its interview of me in their October 25th issue. (For the record, I'm pretty sure I did actually enunciate all the words I'm quoted as saying in the pages of Maclean's, but not in anywhere near the order they published them. I was honestly shocked by how heavily massaged the final product was, and I'm speaking here as a guy who used to feed raw meat into the sausage grinder at Time. But I digress yet more.) Now, before this anecdote comes to its embarrassing denouement, some critical background detail: Ashley, fan that she is of good manners, took it upon herself to purchase a bunch of Canadian beer before our departure and mix-and-match it up into little Canuck-beer samplers to give to some of our various hosts and media interrogators on this trip. But I, being kind of awkward and dramatic-gesture-averse in new social situations, have been flat-out awful at remembering to bring said beer samplers along to events and even worse at working up the social courage to actually present the intended people with their gifts on those occasions when I do remember to bring the beer along. Yesterday, for example, we attended a little meet-n'-greet in my honour at Random House Australia, and I "forgot" to unveil the four-pack of beer I had in my bag. By which I mean when remembered I had it, I suddenly didn't feel like announcing and then presenting the gift, so I just played dumb and brought it back to the hotel. So of course Ash was insistent that I for the love of Jebus please actually give someone some of the beer today, and since lad mags are all about gadgets and chicks and titties and beer, it seemed appropriate enough, so I arrived at the offices of Ralph (seriously) with two cans of beer in my bag (one Kokanee, one Molson Canadian). But then, true to form, I forgot I'd brought them - for real, this time - and was just stepping into the elevator after the interview when I remembered them. Back to Nigel's office I promptly marched, determined to make amends for previous gifting failures. I popped my head jovially into his office, reached into my bag, and with a flourish produced the beers . . . which flourish promptly caused the Kokanee, until then attached to the Canadian by a modified plastic beer ring specially constructed from a six-pack ring by Ash, to leap free of its petrochemical leash and arc gracefully through the air between us, landing with a dramatic thud at Nigel's feet. The liberated Kokanee then exploded, sending a celebratory spray of warm suds around the room through a pin-sized hole in its top, which proceeded to soak the office carpet, my backpack, and one of Nigel's pantlegs in the Glacier-Fresh pride of British Columbia. Nigel, valiant to a fault, pounced on the hops-and-barley hand grenade on the floor between us, muttered something about heading to the kitchen, and spirited the offending can away. I waited in his office, an expression of Homeric confusion on my face as I stared dumbly at the can of Molson Canadian in my hand. When Nigel returned, I put it down on his desk as he said something about the Simpsons-like quality of the scene. I muttered something in reply about graceful exits, ha ha ha, and then fled the offices of Ralph as if I'd just robbed the place. And when I reunited with Ashley on the street below, anxious to be gone from the vicinity post-haste, I told her what I'm telling you now: You might not think it'd be massively embarrassing to spill beer all over the office of a writer for a lad mag, but it turns out that it is. It really, really is. Posted by Turner at 06:12 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (521) | Comments (0) He's Huge In Jacksonville Floridians are a strange lot, but they's likes their Simpsons, yep.
Florida Times-Union Q&A, from November 7th Posted by Ashley at 10:18 AM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (250) | Comments (0) Thursday, November 18, 2004 Sydney Or The Bush
We arrived this morning, headed to the hotel to change, and then bustled off to the day's first interview, a taped radio bit for FBI Radio Sydney with the lovely and talented Madeleine Genner. Their studios are undergoing a bit of renovation, hence the arty flashdance-esque setting for the interview itself:
... the entrance to Luna Park, a small amusement complex on the water. Inside, there was a WONDERFUL old-timey carousel, complete with steam organ and painted horses and blinking lights. Turner was duly dispatched to get tickets for us to ride the thing, but came back empty-handed due to a sign at the ticket booth stating that pregnant ladies weren't welcome on the rides. One minor temper tantrum later (complete with whining and rocking back and forth against the carousel gate), he relented and soon afterward we had tickets in hand and boarded the ride to the toot-toots of the music pipes (though we chose our seats inside a giant stationary swan rather than an up-and-down-going pony to assure a smooth ride).
The view notwithstanding, Turner gets in the zone to do a few radio phoners for Western Australia (Perth and beyond) from a vacant boardroom.
If you worked here, you could take a water taxi to work. Zoom! Despite this, none of these people admitted to taking a water taxi to work. (Zoom.)
Posted by Ashley at 10:36 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (304) | Comments (1) Some Down Time Sometimes you just need to get into bed and order a milkshake from room service.
Posted by Ashley at 08:31 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (348) | Comments (2) Adieu to Melbourne Morning-orning interview with Tony Wilson and Sam Pang of the Breakfast Show on Radio RRR in Melbourne Love the wall graffiti at RRR radio:
Our fifth flight since leaving home ten days ago - this one's just a short hop to Sydney. Posted by Ashley at 03:48 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (281) | Comments (0) Wednesday, November 17, 2004 Readings Reading... How Far Is That From Reading? Turner's evening event in Melbourne took place at the magnificent Readings Bookstore in Port Melbourne, blessed with a lovely tenancy in a heritage building that used to be a post office.
This young man and his great mom came to hang out with T tonight; the obscenity aside, we're glad he has enough friends.
Afterward we waltzed down to the port and had dinner at the London Hotel (just "the London", if you're cool), which sits just opposite the Tasmanian ferry dock.
Okay. So, in Canada you're not allowed to serve alcohol to already-drunk people, though many people do manage to get enough booze into 'em to be wobbly on the way home from the bar. That's not the part of this poster that caught my eye. It was the "quarrelsome" bit - nobody likes a nasty drinker, but rarely are poor manners or aggressive outbursts answered with being cut off, where I come from. However, the quarrelsome angle turns out to be a neat little loophole: say the staff want you to leave, or you're hitting on the bartender's girlfriend, or they just don't like your stupid face. Or perhaps you actually have had enough to drink. So. They cut you off, but let's say that you don't agree with the call they've made. You don't think you're too drunk, you think you should be allowed to keep drinking. Aha, well, voice your opinion on the matter and wham, you find yourself automatically entitled to the label "quarrelsome", and they don't have to serve you, nyah nyah anyway. Had this explained by one of our dinner gang tonight. Nice.
Posted by Ashley at 11:22 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (300) | Comments (1) Wobbly Wednesday Turner is a bit weary at this stage, waiting with Random House publicist Peta for permission to enter the ultra-security-for-no-reason zone at ABC Radio this morning.
T might be showing signs of cracking... we're keeping an eye on him.
Posted by Ashley at 12:13 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (554) | Comments (1) Tuesday, November 16, 2004 St. Kilda Ce Soir Tonight we met up with M. Gregoire Dominic Pepin di Lachance Compton, otherwise known as Greg, an old friend from Canada doing medical school here in Melbourne. We took a tour of the CBD along the river and then caught a trolley to St. Kilda's at the beach for dinner. Shadows in the foreground are Turner, Greg, and Ashley; ultra-post-industrialist city square on the river in downtown Melbourne
At the St. Kilda Sea Baths building on the water
To come: other photos from Gregoire's camera of the festivities this evening - out with Greg & Mel, fellow Canadians, and old friend Sarina Gale, honourary Canuck.
Posted by Ashley at 11:53 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (330) | Comments (0) Melbourne Media Morning We flew into Melbourne at an ungodly hour this morning. After speeeeeding to the hotel to change, we raced through construction and morning traffic, to Channel Ten, arriving only a little bit late for Turner's appearance on Good Morning Australia, a national institution. A slightly dazed, underslept Turner gets wired up for sound Turner and the producer review the set clip prior to the interview The paranoiac effects of sleep deprivation: Turner considers the possibility the cameras are comin' t'get 'im Australia's man on camera: Bert Newton, on the on-set studio monitor Overall a light day as far as publicity obligations, T had one more interview before lunch: Turner's Sunday Herald Sun interview with James Wigney After lunch we CRASHED. Or if you prefer: naptime ruled the rest of the day. Posted by Ashley at 05:41 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (294) | Comments (0) Monday, November 15, 2004 Finishing Off Brisbane Turner's interview at 4BC (1116AM radio) early this afternoon with the super-enthusiastic Peter Dick and Clare Blake:
Next up was the down-home-est interview venue of the tour thusfar, Brisbane's alternative radio station, 4ZZZ (known as "Four Triple Zed").
Turner tells sonny here a thing or two about book writin' At one point I nipped off to the toilet, which was a small cement chamber just beside the driveway, outside the 'studios'. As I entered, I noticed that at some point in the past the door had been padlocked shut from the outside, but had since been busted open, so the lock dangled mid-air above the frame attached to a significant ex-piece of the door. Stepping inside, it was a bit dark and dirty, but enh, I lived in India - I've seen worse. Trying to shut the door I put my hand clear through two boards, the wood having long ago rotted from under the peeling paint. But sitting inside finally, I had a look around. The walls were covered in helpful graffiti explaining how to avoid contracting Hepatitis C by using a new 'fit' each time (this I took to mean 'fix' in Canadian terms, i.e. a new syringe each time you inject yer drugs) - in particular one message in marker imploring users not to leave their needles on the floor (at which point I had a keen look around in the gloom, I must admit), and a spankin-new sharps box into which you were meant to put your old 'fits' after use. I wondered why users would be so intent on getting into this little bug hole of a radio station toilet when surely Australia, like Canada, is full of lovely, clean, well-lit public toilets that actually have running water and properly-locking doors. The answer came a bit later, when a friend informed us that many public toilets in this country have bluelights in the stalls, to prevent addicts from being able to find a vein. The things you learn on book tour! The 4ZZZ station itself was literally plastered in posters (possibly holding up the walls...?), lending a familiar, campus-radio-stationy feel to the place. Perhaps my all-time favourite name for a band (except of course for the future Ashley Bristowe and the Bristones supergroup featuring The Notorious AGP on harmonica):
"Aw, man! I LOVE Community Cervix! They're the bitchenest band!" Turner and interviewer Adrian Potts were ensconced inside a small, airless, very hot room with one oscillating fan when I took the photo of their chat, above. Turner emerged from the interview 45 minutes later drenched in sweat; the fan had started to squeak and Adrian had to turn it off, and the temperature in the box probably hit 38C before they were through. But well worth the effort... on the way back to the hotel T reported that the 4ZZZ spot had been the most intelligent interview of the whole publicity push overall, bar none. Which prompted today's Quote Of The Day, from Turner: "Why is it that the fewer resources and staff a media outlet has, the better the interview? It's like a golden rule of radio and television: small is smart, and big is shallow and stupid." Why, indeed.
A crowd of about 80 serious Simpsons fans and book lovers showed up for the event - an unusually robust turnout for a bookstore event of this kind - a number made even more impressive by the fact that Turner's appearance coincided with the Australian premiere the new Simpsons season (serious business, down here), and these fans had to miss it to attend.
This photo was taken through the front window of the shop. After the discussion, Turner stuck around for about an hour to sign books and chat with some hardcore Aussie Simpsons fans. Can't tell you how soooper it was to talk to some real people; after weeks of Turner speaking into microphones and cameras at faceless and anonymous audiences, it was cool to chat with live folks, both regular and rabid fans.
Tomorrow we have a sickeningly early start - up at 3:30am to catch a 5am flight to Melbourne - so we must get to bed. Tales from the early-morning barf bag tour up next... Posted by Ashley at 09:50 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (408) | Comments (0) Simpsons-ologist, Eh? Flipping through the morning paper, Turner stumbled across a piece publicizing tonight's reading/event at Brisbane's The Avid Reader bookstore (193 Boundary Street, 6:30pm). And I quote, from the Courier-Mail, page 3:
"MMMMMMMMM... Simpsons. It stands to reason a television show that has transformed popular 'Simpsons-ologist' Chris Turner is in Brisbane tonight to discuss his The longest-running sitcom in history with more than 300 episodes, it Turner, a Calgary-based journalist, will discuss Planet Simpson at a
Later this morning Turner was interviewed by John O'Brien of the Courier-Mail. He did not ask Turner about how he became a Simpson-ologist, per se. Boys and their toys - John O'Brien and Turner marvel at the magic that is today's IPod Posted by Ashley at 09:29 AM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (239) | Comments (0) Sunday, November 14, 2004 Koalas! Kangaaaarrroooos! And Cassowaries! Okay. So, being Canadian, we 'get' the whole wildlife thing. We're both huge fans of spotting animals at the side of the road through the Rockies, I'm an avid amateur birdwatcher, and Turner always makes time on trips to go see the local zoo or game preserve. So when we heard there was a koala park within spitting distance of Brisbane, we planned our whole day off here around getting to see the koalas. In visiting Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary, we've joined prestigious company:
Koala 'cuddling' is illegal in most parts of Australia, though it's still permitted in Queensland. The tame koalas at Lone Pine are limited to 25 minutes of cuddle time per day, so as not to overstimulate them. Looks almost fake, doesn't it? Their fur is like a cross between a poodle and a sheep, soft but wiry; and their brown eyes have vertical slit-like pupils like cats'. The Lone Pine compound was also home to all sorts of other animals, including kangaroos, tasmanian devils, dingos, an impressive collection of incredibly poisonous and deadly snakes, and an awesome fruit bat colony. Thanks to some park-sanctioned food, Turner makes friends with the wallabies Dig the colour of this thing's HEAD:
This is a cassowary, a large, non-flying bird indigenous to Australia. Next to the 'pen' was an informational display plaque that noted how to avoid hitting them on Queensland's highways (apparently the remaining, dwindling cassowary population is culled mainly through traffic accidents these days). Of course, as Canadians we're familiar with the idea of roadkill - gophers, porcupines, deer, etc... But can you even begin to imagine rounding a corner at 110km/hr to find one of these giant prehistoric things in the middle of the road? Did we mention that they stand over five feet high? And that there's that big horn on the tops of their heads? You can see that whole bright blue area on the noggin, too, right? Talk about heart attack nightmare! By the way, our good friend Beau once mentioned about how Australians find the prevalence of squirrels in North American cities to be absolutely fascinating; that they take actual photos of squirrels when visiting Canada and then trot them out for family and friends when they get back home. ...This, coming from people who live among wombats, wallabies, lorikeets, and platapusses (platapi?).
Posted by Ashley at 08:03 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (376) | Comments (0) The Stamford Plaza, Brisbane: Namesake of Sir Stamford Raffles We arrived in Brisbane seven hours behind schedule, and tumbled into a cab to the city. We were pretty bagged. But though it was late, we weren't so tired as to miss the grandeur of the location and appointings of our accommodations, the Stamford Plaza Hotel. I am a great fan of the history of the British Empire. And so, upon completing our check-in with the Front Desk Guy, I asked if the hotel was named for Sir Stamford Raffles, a British colonial officer famous for founding Singapore (among other things). I think the exchange itself went thusly: Ash: Is the hotel named after Sir Stamford Raffles? Like, of the Raffles Hotel in Singapore? Once safely ensconced in the room, Turner found this gem inside the leather guest directory, and read it aloud (of course, to my great enjoyment): HISTORICAL BACKGROUND OF THE STAMFORD NAME
Of course, I'm greatly enjoying the sweet (but tastefully quiet) vindication. But it should be said - my snarky cynicism aside, this is a simply awesome hotel. And we're on the 22nd (top) floor! Here's our view:
Can't beat that with a bat. Posted by Ashley at 12:42 AM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (229) | Comments (0) Saturday, November 13, 2004 Help Me Tonga, Help-Help Me Tonga After a teary farewell to the fabulous Prince's Wharf Hilton in Auckland [this morning at breakfast I asked Turner, "...Darling, I so love the clean sheets and limitless hot water. Can we live at a hotel always?" To which the man answered, "Tell you what, Ash - for the next week and a half, we can live in hotels." Okay, sez I, placated for now], we arrived at the airport only to find that our flight to Brisbane has been delayed a few hours. So we've been wandering around, listening to the departure announcements for other flights, in particular a one to Tonga, for which 10 passengers are apparently missing, and they've been asking them to present themselves at the gate for at least an hour.
Other airport adventures: suffering through the crappiest lamb korma on earth thanks to the in-house food court; having waaaayyyy too many opportunities to be sucked into buying more paua shell jewelery (beautiful stuff - though strangely tacky when used to fill in the body of dolphin-shaped pieces, a style often seen in Hawaii and Canada) and fighting more longing glances at & touches-of the possum/merino blend sweaters; and watching Turner sweatily sprint back and forth between various shops trying to get change so the internet machine won't cut me off. No wonder I love that man. Hm. As I type, our flight has been further delayed, this time until 8:20pm. Which gives us a dangerously long time in the airport... I have a feeling I might crack and buy those lambswool slippers I've been eyeballing the last few days... Posted by Ashley at 03:34 PM (-07:00 GMT) | TrackBack (256) | Comments (0) |
